The school holidays are drawing to a close and following on from 8 Things We Love About the School Holidays, we have now come to our senses and compiled a list of 8 reasons why the school holidays suck.
Stay in your PJs all day
I'm not even sure if I showered yesterday. It might seem like a grand idea to live in your "lounge-wear" but when you don't have to go out anywhere, there is really little point in dressing like a civilized person. I ran out of milk the other day and had to sniff my shirt like a 17 year old boy before I went out into the world - a mole-person foraging among land-people at the grocery store.
Sure while it seems like a good idea, and it might even BE a good idea every so often, the reality is that it throws out EVERYTHING. Sleep-ins are the butterfly in the Holiday Butterfly Effect. Sleep-ins lead to late nights, leading to more sleep-ins and dropping naps (which can cause irreversible nap-dropping) and all of a sudden your child is awake at 10pm, ruining your evening with endless Frozen reruns and games of UNO. For the love of GOD. Stick to your normal bed-time routine.
As much as I dislike making lunchboxes, once the task is done you pretty much have a free pass for the rest of the day feeding-wise (except dinner). Holidays find me in the kitchen in an endless cycle of make food, clean-up, make-food, I'm STAAAARVING, clean up, thirsty, snacks, I just need a little something, what's for dinner, we've run out of milk, go to the shops, get home, we've run out of bread and he ate the last biscuit HELL.
This is still good.
No need to rush breakfast
While it's true that I love a good breakfast, my kids expect a cooked meal every day over the holidays. Actually they have one most days but on holidays they expect fantastical breakfasts. Mainly bacon. They expect bacon. There is a constant film of grease on everything. Also they frequently eat chicken crimpies while waiting on bacon. Some days they just have chicken crimpies and because it's holidays I don't care so much about protein filled brain-food. They had Pringles for breakfast this morning. And chocolate milk. Straight from the container. Look, it reduces washing up. Don't judge.
No Drop Offs
When it's school time, I drop the kids at school. Then the children are at school. They aren't in my house or my yard or following me around at the shops asking to buy stuff. I don't have them asking me for food, to play games, for the wi-fi password that I've changed until they do their jobs, asking for money, to go to the movies, to have 17 friends sleep over or telling me they are BOOOOORED (my absolute favourite). As much as I hate leaving the house, once I do THEY ARE GOOOOOONE.
While I seem to spend my time picking kids up from their friends' places and dropping them off, not having to do afternoon pickups is still good.
Spending time with kids
Only three more days. Three. More. Days.
I don't want to see their LEGO ship. I don't care if they are a level 27 wizard who caught some egg and has a level twelve wolf-hound. I built a fucking tree fort with them. I seriously have a BEDFRAME up a tree in my backyard. I don't want to play Monopoly. I hate it. I've ALWAYS hated it. I always lose interest when I start losing and it goes for far too long. I don't want to play snap or UNO or do colouring. I don't want to watch Toy Story for the 49th time. I don't want to go and look at this thing you HAVE to show me. I don't want to take you and your stinky friends to the movies or the museum or to the park where I have to fend off green ants and pick bindis out of feet in the sun. I want you to go the fuck back to school.
I know I will miss you again by next holidays and we will do this all over again. Right now though, making lunches and doing the drop-off cannot come fast enough.