Where are the kids?

I am a fairly relaxed parent about a lot of things.  Sometimes I forget that people aren’t quite as relaxed as I am.  I’ve had friends ring up or come over and ask where my kids are or what they are doing and these have been some of the REAL responses:

Where are the kids?  Ridiculous things my kids do when I'm not watching.

“He’s out the back trying to start a fire with a magnifying glass.”

“He is blowing stuff up in our science microwave.”

“He’s up that tree with some secateurs and a saw, chopping bits down.”

“They are down the hall tying each other to a pole.”

“He is making an underwater diving suit out of a bucket and some weights.”

“They are trying to winch each other into a tree in a plastic tub.”

“Lighting a fire.”

“He is making an obstacle course/trap in the yard.  Watch your step.”

“They are racing down that steep hill on Great Grandad’s old wheelie-walkers.”

“Taking apart a washing machine/TV/blender/Speakers/Computer/VCR.”

“Melting dolls heads.”

“Making a suit out of bubble-wrap and duct tape.”

I understand that, taken out of context, this could sound vaguely irresponsible.  I assure you when given proper context the lack of responsibility is clear.  I have yet to break any child in my care, and people still send their kids over to play (although they may stop after reading this...).  

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DIY Advent Calendars

Advent Calendars in September!?  You’ll thank us on the 30th of November when you’re all ready and prepped for the start of advent season.

Our round up of DIY Advent Calendars
  1. TP rolls advent by Pysselbolaget
  2. Envelopes advent by Rue Magazine
  3. Christmas Street advent calendar by Mr Printables
  4. Travelling advent calendar by Jojoebi designs
  5. Pyramid advent calendar by Minieco
  6. Advent in a Jar by Penelope and Pip

 

If you need tips on what to put in the boxes, see our posts from last year:

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Handmade Baby Book

My best friend of since forever decided to go and marry someone from another state.  Right after she got married she upped and moved and then got knocked up.  It was super traumatic for us both as we were used to living about five minutes from each other and now this big huge thing was happening and I wasn't going to be there.

I had so many things I wanted to tell her about babies and being a mum!  So many things I wish someone had told me.  So I wrote them all down and gave them to her.  

Ideas for creating a baby book for a good friend

So if I can do it, anyone can.  Share your wisdom.  You can make one at the baby shower as a group or for your sister or friend whether they are far away or next door.  When they are up with the baby at 2am, it will give some solace to know that someone was thinking of them.

Pool Man Injured in Duck Attack

Mistress Isis Applegate of The Mulberry Bush by the Drive together with Captain Herbert-Sherbert proudly announced the arrival of their five babies this week. Marring the announcement were allegations of brutality and use of excessive force. 

At approximately 8am Wednesday, Jarviere The Pool Man called for assistance having sustained a bloody head wound in what the locals are calling the Battle of Kreepy Krawly.  Unable to attend immediately, the resident of the house has since decided that the practice of wearing pants should be more consistently adopted.

 spokesperson for the Mistress and Captain said they unreservedly apologise for the isolated event, however Mistress Isis was heard shouting "and there's more where that came from, ya baby stealing bastard" while being dragged away from the scene by the Captain.  

Jarviere the Pool Man bid a hasty retreat to Poolmart Kenmore and feels mischaracterised by the allegations of child abduction. Hailing from England, he was not comforted by the comment "That's Australian animals for you. Even our ducks are deadly."  

There has been no substantiating evidence to support the allegation of duckling thievery.  Officials are downplaying the situation and have not released a statement.  

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A Day in the Life of How Super Duper

We now have a newsletter!  What are you waiting for?  Subscribe! Never again will you wake in a cold sweat at 1am, consumed by the thought that you’ve missed one of our posts or something funny we wrote on Twitter or Facebook (you should probably subscribe to those too).  We promise to not give out your email address to porn sites or pre-order you a mail order spouse…

A Day in the Life of How Super Duper - Part One, Writing a Newsletter

Prepare to be amazed by our ability to stay focused.

We have set aside several days to put together our email newsletter.  I believe this is our….fourth try.  We keep scheduling it.  Really, truly.  We really need to get this fucking newsletter written.  It’s so critical in fact that the first day we went out for dumplings.  The second day we went to IKEA.  The third day we phoned in sick.

Day four.  The ONLY thing we are doing today is writing our newsletter, okay?

8:55am
Rach text: Coffee at the local?
Carlie text: Yup.
(It’s important to set aside time to discuss plans in preparation for working hard)

10:30am
Leave coffee shop.
Rachel: Home to computer, pin some pins, read some articles, follow some people on twitter.

11.45am
Carlie arrives, debrief on everything that’s happened since leaving the coffee shop. (Which was obviously a lot, because WTF an hour and 15 mins to drive 1km?)

11.50am
Carlie on phone to friend.  

12.10pm
Carlie still on phone to friend.

12.20pm
Carlie off phone, time to make a cup of tea and eat some salted caramel tim tams.

12:25pm
Rachel: This is really hard.  Maybe we should decide what the newsletter looks like before we worry about the text? We should put an instagram photo in our newsletter!  
Carlie: That’s a great idea!  I’m logged out of our instagram.  
Rachel: ....I really can’t remember our instagram password.
Waste more time generating new password and logging in.

12:35pm
Carlie: We should totally keep a timesheet of our productivity.  People will want us to write an ebook about it.
Rachel: Instagram passwords all reset for you….again.
Post photo on Instagram of child-angler-fish.

See how good the stuff we post on Instagram is?  You should totally follow us.  We post at least once a month.

See how good the stuff we post on Instagram is?  You should totally follow us.  We post at least once a month.

12.40pm
Carlie: We really don’t have time to get this done today.
Carlie: I should be able to post to our Twitter.  
Rachel sets up Twitter on Carlie’s phone.
Carlie shows Rachel photos of new underwear.

1300 (perhaps using military time we will be more efficient)
Let’s see what we can do between now and pick-up time!
...first we need another cup of tea.

1315
Carlie: Written 155 words.  Okay that was good.  We got heaps done.  I think I’m done for the day.

1320
Carlie: We should put up a post. 
Drink tea.

1330
Discuss whether Carlie should find her glasses or Rachel should get 5 foot computer screens with three inch bold text.

1335
Rachel shops for Tardis Converse while Carlie squints at the screen hoping words come out.  You know, infinite monkeys, infinite keyboards.

1350
Rachel: What about that one you already wrote about your ex with the magnesium?
Carlie: Done.
Rachel: We have no photo.
Both look through photo reels.
Start looking at Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

2.10pm (Back to civilian time.  Decide that military life is not for us.)
Rachel: Shit.  We keep getting distracted.
Carlie: Let's just take a photo and put the post in schedule.
Rachel: We don’t have time.
Drink tea.

2.15pm
Time to pick up the kids.  
Carlie: What are you doing tomorrow?  We really have to get this Newsletter thing sorted.
Rachel: Yeah and we can take a photo and put up the magnesium post.

This blogging thing is hard work.

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Please note this post was written at least a month ago.  Better late than never, Bitches.  You can’t rush perfection.  Now subscribe.  It will be worth it.  Totally.  Rachel is even going to let me put in a random animals of the internet stuff every week.